 |
| 清楚目標是做任何事情的第一步 Before we do anything, we need to have clear goals. |
摘自戴晨志--人際溝通高手
Extract from the book “Master of Communication” by Dai Chen Zhi
一個大學社團的新生歡迎會上，幹部依例請新生們「自我介紹」。當一女生被點名站起來時，她羞怯地說：「我叫李×萍，很高興來參加這個社團……我比較害羞，但我是很好相處的人，希望大家多來找我玩！」
One girl stands up and introduces herself shyly, says my name is Linda, I’m glad to join the group…… I tend to be shy, but I’m easy to get along with, hope everyone invite me to hang out with occasionally.
接著，輪到另一女生，她說：「大家好，我叫吳×卿……我的個性比較內向，不過我也是很好相處的人……希望大家常來找我聊天！」
Then next girl stands up says “Hello, my name is Lyn…… I'm an introvert, but I’m a easy going person…… Hope everyone can come to talk to me constantly.
接下來，輪到一男生，他說：「大家好，我叫陳×誠，我有很多優點，相信大家跟我相處久了，就會知道，希望以後大家多來發掘我的優點……」
In boy’s turn, “Hello everyone, my name is Alan, I have my merits, I’m sure you will know it once you get to know me, and I hope you can find it.
在旁的一男學長聽到這裡，實在按捺不住，站起來說：「喂，拜託你們不要一直說『我很好相處，希望多來找我玩』、『我有很多優點，請大家多來發掘』好不好？我們都是大學生了，我們要學習主動關心別人、照顧別人，而不是坐在那邊，只會等別人來關心你、照顧你啊！」
Then someone just can’t stand those conversations anymore and say: “please stop saying I’m easy to get along with, hope everyone can come to talk to me……” We’re college student now, we should learn to care for people and look after people actively, not just sit there and wait for somebody to show consideration for you.
學長這麼一說，許多女生都紅著臉、低著頭。學長接著又說：「你們要搞清楚，沒有人天生有義務要對我們好，而是我們要主動去關心、照顧別人，才會交到好朋友！所以，你們要記得，『朋友』和『爸媽』不同，是不會自己從天上掉下來的！」此時，一男新生舉手說：「報告學長，我覺得『爸媽』也不是天上掉下來的，而是──『我們』是天上掉下來的！」
Then some girls flushed after hearing the talk, and the senior continues, “You need to understand that people have no obligation to be good to us, instead, we need to take the initiative in caring people, looking after them.”
 |
| 與人交流的學問一輩子都學不完 The knowledge of communication skills is infinite. |
日本有一家保險公司曾對東京、大阪的二十歲至四十九歲的日本人進行「人生課題的意識調查」，結果發現，不同年齡層的人都認為，「結交朋友」是人生最重要的課題！
An insurance company in Japan
可是，有趣的是，人都有「惰性、怯性」，也都習慣於待在一個「舒適區」（comfort zone）裡，而疏於主動結交朋友、也少主動與朋友們連繫；每個人都渴望認識好朋友，卻吝於「先給予、先付出、先主動」伸出友誼之手。過去談得來的朋友，咱們多久沒連絡了？我們是不是可以主動打個電話問候、寫個卡片關心他們？
The funny thing is human tends to be lazy and timid, and gets used to stay in their comfort zone, then that is the reason why people don’t contact or communicate with people at the first place. Everyone thirsts for knowing good friends, but refusing taking any efforts or reaching out of your hands to friends. How long have we been lost touch with old friends? Should we take the first move to call them or drop a line?
我就曾打個電話給久未連絡的朋友，他很高興地說，他剛好要組一個「未婚男女遊沙巴」的旅遊團，有廠商贊助，邀我一起免費同行。就這樣，我與一群未婚男女到馬來西亞一遊！
所以，朋友是生生不息的「長青植物」，也是「蔓藤植物」，它可以長得茂盛翠綠，來擴大我們的生活圈。
One time when I got back in touch with an old friend, he told me happily that he’s going to organize a trip to
 |
| 長春藤精神 Spirit of ivy plant |
記得我有個女性朋友，已超過適婚年齡，但一直小姑獨處；其實，她滿喜歡某一位男士，而男士對她也有好感，但他們兩人一直保持若即若離的平淡關係。我曾告訴她：「妳可以主動一點，約他吃飯、看電影、逛街啊，妳總要為自己製造點機會啊！」可是，這女孩回答我說：「這不是我的風格！」「是，是，這不是妳的風格，但妳知道嗎，『妳的風格』會讓妳一直等，等到妳變成老姑婆！」我說。
I have a female friend who is crossing marriageable age and still single. In fact, she’s into a guy and the guy feels the same way as well. However, they are maintaining an ambiguous relationship with each other. I told her that she can ask him out for dinner or go for a movie; you need to give yourself a chance. But the girl said “It’s not my style.” “ That’s right! This is not your style, but it keeps you waiting till you become an old lady” I said.
沒錯，每個人都有自己的風格，但那些風格就是對的嗎？如果「不主動親近別人、不主動結交朋友、只要別人來發掘我的優點」，就是我們一成不變、堅信不移的風格，則咱們的人際關係很難突破呀！（因此，這女孩至今還是小姑獨處！）
Indeed, everyone has its own style, but if you don’t get close to the people actively or make a first move to make friends, we just stay the same and don’t want to change, then it’s hard to make a breakthrough for our relationships.(This is the reason why the girl is still single.)
有人委屈地說：「我不是不友善，我只是太害羞了！」或「我很好相處，只是不好意思找你！」......的確，「害羞」、「不好意思」，都是我們與別人溝通的「心理障礙」，我們一定要把它除去啊！
Some people say in grievance “I’m not unfriendly, that’s just because I’m too shy.” “ I am easy to get alone with, just feeling ashamed to call you.”…… Indeed, shyness and embarrassment are mental obstacles for communicating with people and we need to get rid of them from us.
一個女孩她說，她在補習班上課，準備重考大學的一年期間，沒有認識班上任何一位同學。真的，她一向獨來獨往，上課時間到，就走進教室，下完課，就獨自回家去，一年之中，未曾和其他同學說過話；這就是她的風格──「不喜歡主動和他人交談」。現在她大學畢業，工作多年，也一直未婚。
曾有一職員，在工作上犯了錯誤，當長官指責他時，他反駁說：「沒有人告訴我不能這麼做啊！」 長官聽了，很生氣地說：「什麼叫『沒有人告訴你』？你有主動問過其他同事、或來問過我嗎？ 如果你懂得主動請教別人，你會犯這麼嚴重的錯誤嗎？」
是的，當我們到一個新的或陌生的環境，都需要調適自己的心境，並提升「與他人交往的能力」；因為，在工作場合中，最忌「獨行俠」──獨來獨往、擺冷面孔、不主動認識別人、不主動請教他人！
所以，我們必須學習，將「自信與友善寫在臉上」，讓對方清楚地看到。不過，自信並非是「自吹自擂」，深怕別人不能記得自己的長處；其實，和他人初次見面，愈是表現出「我是憨厚的老實人」，愈能激起別人樂意和我們交往的意願。如果說話「愛吹牛、又誇張」，只是忙著吹噓自己、推銷自己，就會惹人厭啊！
So we need to learn to make people see friendliness and confidence on our faces. However, confidence is not coming from bragging yourself. As a matter of fact, when we meet people at the first time, we just show good intentions simply and honestly then that help people want to know us.
假如，我們需要「搶救人緣、改頭換面」，不妨試試：
1. Making the phone call, drop a line or email to some friends who haven’t contacted for a while.
2.拜託朋友一些小事，並問他，你是否可以幫他做些什麼？
2. To ask friends for the request in return when you need something from them.
3.約些朋友來喝喝茶、聊聊天、敘敘舊。
3. Arranging for a cup of tea or coffee and having a chat with friends.
4.談話時，「多發問、多傾聽」，可引導對方發言，維持良好氣氛。
4. To ask questions and listen more while talking, then lead the other to make a speech.
5.多談論對方「感興趣的話題」，讓對方暢所欲言。
5. Let people want to talk more by talking what interest people.
6.多注意自己的表情，並把最愉悅的神情，留給對方。
6. To be careful of your emotional expressions, show your joyful feelings more to the other.
7.尊重對方的意見，切勿經常「否定、反駁」對方。
7. Value the others’ opinions more, and reject less.
8.多主動請教「對方的專長」，並適度讚美。
8. Take the initiative for people's professional consultations and appreciate it.
沒錯，每個人都有自己的風格，但那些風格就是對的嗎？如果「不主動親近別人、不主動結交朋友、只要別人來發掘我的優點」，就是我們一成不變、堅信不移的風格，則咱們的人際關係很難突破呀！（因此，這女孩至今還是小姑獨處！）
Indeed, everyone has its own style, but if you don’t get close to the people actively or make a first move to make friends, we just stay the same and don’t want to change, then it’s hard to make a breakthrough for our relationships.(This is the reason why the girl is still single.)
有人委屈地說：「我不是不友善，我只是太害羞了！」或「我很好相處，只是不好意思找你！」......的確，「害羞」、「不好意思」，都是我們與別人溝通的「心理障礙」，我們一定要把它除去啊！
Some people say in grievance “I’m not unfriendly, that’s just because I’m too shy.” “ I am easy to get alone with, just feeling ashamed to call you.”…… Indeed, shyness and embarrassment are mental obstacles for communicating with people and we need to get rid of them from us.
 |
| 太害羞可是抓不到魚吃的 Some opportunities will just slip away just because you’re too shy. |
一個女孩她說，她在補習班上課，準備重考大學的一年期間，沒有認識班上任何一位同學。真的，她一向獨來獨往，上課時間到，就走進教室，下完課，就獨自回家去，一年之中，未曾和其他同學說過話；這就是她的風格──「不喜歡主動和他人交談」。現在她大學畢業，工作多年，也一直未婚。
A girl who attends a cram school and claims she didn’t make any friends in the class. She’s always alone, and never talk to anyone in the class, and as she says: That’s my style, I don’t like to talk with people at the first place. Now she’s a college graduate and still single.
曾有一職員，在工作上犯了錯誤，當長官指責他時，他反駁說：「沒有人告訴我不能這麼做啊！」 長官聽了，很生氣地說：「什麼叫『沒有人告訴你』？你有主動問過其他同事、或來問過我嗎？ 如果你懂得主動請教別人，你會犯這麼嚴重的錯誤嗎？」
There’s one time, a staff was accused of making a mistake by his superior. He said ”nobody told me that I can’t do like this?!” “What do you mean nobody told you? Did you ever ask for some opinions with your colleagues or me? If you did, you won’t make a huge mistake like this. ” the superior answered.
是的，當我們到一個新的或陌生的環境，都需要調適自己的心境，並提升「與他人交往的能力」；因為，在工作場合中，最忌「獨行俠」──獨來獨往、擺冷面孔、不主動認識別人、不主動請教他人！
When we in a new or unfamiliar circumstances, we need to adapt ourselves to improve our social ability. In workplaces, we need to avoid acting alone, wearing a poker face, not taking the initiative in making acquaintances or consulting other people.
所以，我們必須學習，將「自信與友善寫在臉上」，讓對方清楚地看到。不過，自信並非是「自吹自擂」，深怕別人不能記得自己的長處；其實，和他人初次見面，愈是表現出「我是憨厚的老實人」，愈能激起別人樂意和我們交往的意願。如果說話「愛吹牛、又誇張」，只是忙著吹噓自己、推銷自己，就會惹人厭啊！
So we need to learn to make people see friendliness and confidence on our faces. However, confidence is not coming from bragging yourself. As a matter of fact, when we meet people at the first time, we just show good intentions simply and honestly then that help people want to know us.
假如，我們需要「搶救人緣、改頭換面」，不妨試試：
If you want to save your relation with others or make a change, maybe you can try to do some things below:
1.趕快打個電話、寫信、或 e-mail 給一些久未連絡的朋友。1. Making the phone call, drop a line or email to some friends who haven’t contacted for a while.
2.拜託朋友一些小事，並問他，你是否可以幫他做些什麼？
2. To ask friends for the request in return when you need something from them.
3.約些朋友來喝喝茶、聊聊天、敘敘舊。
3. Arranging for a cup of tea or coffee and having a chat with friends.
4.談話時，「多發問、多傾聽」，可引導對方發言，維持良好氣氛。
4. To ask questions and listen more while talking, then lead the other to make a speech.
5.多談論對方「感興趣的話題」，讓對方暢所欲言。
5. Let people want to talk more by talking what interest people.
6.多注意自己的表情，並把最愉悅的神情，留給對方。
6. To be careful of your emotional expressions, show your joyful feelings more to the other.
7.尊重對方的意見，切勿經常「否定、反駁」對方。
7. Value the others’ opinions more, and reject less.
8.多主動請教「對方的專長」，並適度讚美。
8. Take the initiative for people's professional consultations and appreciate it.
